My Deliverer

F0DECF03-F39A-46F3-A88F-CCD0C8BF8331 The writing continues. The music and most elements having to do with the hard scape is set, but the text…I’ve written so many verses, I’ll have to cull some for continuity, or what I call, good story telling.

Helping me keep the faith on this journey of a lifetime, is a full-time job for God. I have a tendency of running ahead of God on any journey. If you had or have a child with the affinity of wandering off, you know what I mean. But for this 61 year old, the song-writing process isn’t any different. I start out with every good intention of following Him, but for whatever reason, still run ahead, until what’s ahead is unfamiliar and a little scary looking for me.

Maybe this was the inspiration for my most recent song, “My Deliverer.” I can never anticipate where the inspiration will come from, but looking back, the sources have echoed moments in my prayer life, milestones, both pleasant and difficult, and celebrations. Melodies usually come first, then choruses, then verses out of a nebula of ideas/themes/catch phrases. This particular project stands on a phrase, “Things aren’t always what they may appear.”. When I’m ‘called’ to work on a project, it turns into a battle for my attention, as the process can overwhelm me. I lean on Him heavily to keep a balance in my life between my creative thoughts and the more mundane activities that press upon each of our lives. I mean, there’s only so long you can ignore the laundry before you have an underwear crisis brewing. Really.

Despite my plethora of song verses I’ll have to review, I am learning to wait on Him. And when I do, what unusual paths He leads me on, only because more often than not, how I perceive the finished work, always pales in comparison to the completion of what He has endeavored me to do. It’s so satisfying when a project is finished…I just need to remember what’s waiting for me while the process is still in process.

I do not write because it’s my vocation. I do not have a degree in creative writing. Call it my cross to bear, or a calling – probably 100% both if there could be such a thing. I do not feel gifted and work hard to craft anything I write. I’m not a great conceptual thinker – you only need read any of my blogs for confirmation of that truth.

The only interest that I have in it is that it is a God-thing. I feel compelled and can not rest until what He has given me to do is done. God is like that, too. I like to say that God is always up to something. He will not stop until what He has begun is finished. But He has a peace-filled way of completing His works. I’d like to think that is one (of many) qualities He is working to produce in me.

Even my nights are God’s to speak into my heart. He operates from His place of perfect peace, but for me the urgency that necessitates keeping a well-stocked stack of scrap paper and a pencil, where others might keep their cellphone, on my bedside table, facilitates making it possible for me to capture thoughts that come to mind before they disappear into my brain fog of early morning.

I could say here that having scrap paper at hand for night time ‘scribbles’ is an act of obedience or some other such lofty motive, but for me, that’s too sterile. My life is a mess and He knows it. Confronting those messes can be messy. (Deep, right?) And we can make our lives even messier when we toddle off on our own pathways. It can get pretty scary-dark when we lose sight of His light.

Still, He’s there always within ear shot – waiting for our cry. And like a child who has been separated from a mama or papa by wandering off, finding the familiar gone and only unfamiliar and scary surroundings to be seen, I knew I was that child who, once again, had run ahead.

I could not see Him, but He could see me and with the kind of mercy and grace that led me to add the words, “What have I to fear?” to the song text, He came and invited me to follow Him to stand as one would stand in a dappled rain-dropped woodland glen. And as the light streamed through the tree canopy, we listened. And I heard the faint echo of what my heart had prayed that same morning… “Lord, help me to say what is real. Help me to be courageous enough to reach into those well guarded areas of my life that only You and I know about.” And there it was. In that moment, in that beautiful, holy place, I saw through His eyes how someday it will be. It’s messy now, but, “I’m certain I’ll be delivered…’cause my Deliverer is here.”.

Peony at evening…

Proceed

Proceed. I have to…to look at this photo of my little Canon Powershot, I know I am rich. Rich in the celebrations of success and, yes, the lessons ingrained in miserable failures. Rich, too, through the growing pains that patience asks of us and perseverance produces. I’m rich in the broadening of my still humanly-puny view of God and His creation, through the time spent photographing the small world around me, rich for accepting the challenges this little camera offered me, and rich knowing every lesson I’ve been taught, turned out to reward me in ways that I never, EVER could have imagined.

There are benefits to the methodical ways by which I proceed, but maybe that’s just the indication that I’m a slow learner. Whether I choose to be described as one or the other, I’ll need to take all that I’ve learned with me and remember those lessons in the weeks and months to come. Yes, I am more than slightly apprehensive about the new camera that arrived in the mail two days ago, (it took me a full day before I opened the box) but it’s here and my next milestone is waiting for me to step out in faith. Challenged by the words of Arthur Ashe, I will start where I am, use what I have, and do what I can.

It’s all that I can do, ever, but, thank the Lord, never alone. Jesus asks me to do these things empowered by His Name, which is a real game-changer, with life-altering and redemptive possibilities. Truth be known, my rebel heart is not a fan of change, (big surprise, there!) so please say a prayer for me because, YIKES, I’m fully aware that change is coming. But hopes are high that as a follower of Jesus Christ, His holy and eternal purposes will develop an image reflecting His glory that, at this writing, He sees infinitely more clearly than I see. I might become a better photographer, too.

Matthew 5:16

Tell Your Story

I was in transition. I knew it. An empty nest, retirement, a move to a new community and the tumult of me and my sisters not only losing our mother but also selling the family home were only the outward manifestations of it. Emotionally, I felt weary. Spiritually, I felt restless. Some things that once contributed to my joy seemed to lose their shine and purpose. One of my creative outlets, Facebook, felt less and less familiar. When I wrote to a Phoenix friend that I was thinking of leaving the social media scene, her reply was, “Leaving fb for you would not shock me. You have a lovely way of brightening the spirit of any page, but it doesn’t really seem like your style.” I love her candor, but it shook me ‘cause she was right. Something had to change.

Changes were on their way as a result of a surgical procedure that I had in April 2019; the event, the subject of a conversation, which in turn, led to some admonishment I sorely needed and humbly received from an unexpected source. Truth is, though I needed Believers to pray with me through this scary new development, I was reticent to ask certain people who were going through what I considered were much bigger tests of faith (and shining in glorious ways, I will add) to pray for me. I mean, c’mon… CANCER?! I didn’t feel I had the right to ask for prayer from someone walking THAT journey.

But some people have a way of asking, “So, how are you doing?” in a way that unravels us. For those few friends and family members who have that effect on me, I am truly grateful. Where would I be but still hiding in shadows or flying under the radar as was my childhood way, had God not sent those folks to intervene at every pivotal point in my life. It was this kind of friend, this particular woman of God, undergoing chemo for cancer, who among other things, gently and gracefully reminded me that the needs of all God’s children are important to Him. Comparisons should be nonexistent in the Kingdom of God we all share a part in…

Why, I wondered have I always been so reticent to share my needs with others? My candid and caring friend in Phoenix didn’t seem to have that problem. In a recent email I wrote, “I love the way you tell your story.” and those last three words resonated with me. Tell your story…three words my mind would not let go. The distraction was compounded by the fact that I would hear them when I least expected them… at our church’s cafe, when I overheard a woman emphatically tell another, “Tell your story!”, in my daily devotionals, reading God’s Word, and in pulpit messages and teachings.

It wasn’t until I woke up one morning with a song on my mind. I mentioned the chorus to my husband, but something about the words seemed to be wrong. Time to GOOGLE. I was only vaguely familiar with it, so I looked up the few words I had in my brain before my introduction-to-the-day coffee and I learned that the song was an All Sons And Daughters song. Instead of singing the words, “His Love is higher than the rising sun”, I SHOULD have been singing, “His NAME is higher than the rising sun.”. Intrigued and wanting to hear the entire song, I dug a little deeper and found a YouTube video of the recording. I didn’t get too far into listening before the words of the first verse hit me square between the eyes…

“Praise Him all you sinners,

Sing, oh sing, you weary;

Oh, praise Him all you children of God;

We lift high His glory,

Shown throughout our stories,

We praise Him as the children of God…” 13B7A10E-F48C-4C2F-AC04-2B683D167003

I took and held a deep breath, then exhaled. The rumblings of an idea ruminating within me for weeks suddenly rose to another status. Had God used a song, one I barely knew, as another way to speak His good future into my life? I felt euphoric… then the dread of fear nearly overwhelmed me. I wanted this whole ‘Tell Your Story’ idea to end right there and then. I sent a private message to a friend who had been going through her own transition with the changes that come from an international move, a new job, and career. I asked her to tell me what she thought of an idea of having a ‘page’ on Facebook called ‘Tell Your Story’. She gave the idea a thumbs up….wrote back, in fact, “BRILLIANT!”. My ‘Tell Your Story’ story plot had just thickened!

Since then, STILL hemming and hawing about stepping out and actually promoting the page. The weight of not knowing exactly what it should look like and generally overthinking the whole process (Big surprise there for folks who know me, right?) was holding me back. I knew two Bible verses, Acts 1:8 and Revelation 12:11, would be the foundational verses upon which I would begin to build the page, but after that, what would happen from the launch onward, only walking with a faithful God would reveal.

And God very well might walk me right back ‘to the garden’ – His creation. Growing up in the Adirondack Mountains of New York State, as a teenager, God began to open the eyes of my heart to Him through the beauty of nature. What a witness for His glory! Nature still inspires me, though I worship the Creator instead of creation that I once idolized. The line “…and the joy we share as we tarry there, none other has ever known.” from the old Gospel song “In The Garden”, comes to mind as I write this paragraph. It so describes the ministry of God’s Holy Spirit to me “…as He tells me, I am His own.”. I’m sure you’ll find photos of God’s creation amidst the posts. They will hopefully help tell my story and be a witness for His glory. D7E9FF0C-F52E-4F21-BA8F-11B8E22164AC

A lot has happened since those long ago days living in the Adirondacks. God led me on a path He called me to walk – one of service and ministry in several churches as a jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none-musician. No longer an up-front minister of music but still deeply moved as a worshipper of His amazing grace, you may see some links to some song that has set my heart to dancing in celebration of all I have and am because of Him. They, too, will hopefully help to tell my story and be a witness for His glory.

A few years ago, I came across some photo editing apps and now do some original captioning of photos, using both original thoughts and Bible verses a photo might call to mind. Those bits of inspiration will hopefully help tell my story and be a witness for His glory.

I usually keep my ‘id’ well hidden, but from time to time I’ll share my geeky sense of humor. Those lighter moments will hopefully help tell my story and be a witness for His glory.

I’m a dog, turtle, horse lover (in that order) but don’t have any pets, and my hobbies are few. I am a long-time quilter and just the perseverance to finish a project could help tell my story and be a witness for His glory.

You may not see many photos of the people I love, but as a mom of two grown sons, a Grammie, and the ‘better-half’ (so I’ve been told by the other half) of a marriage made in Heaven since 1979, know that all those who I call family and hold dear to me have helped to shape me as a woman and continue to do so. I don’t have to look very far to find inspiration in any one of them. Their loving influence will hopefully help tell my story and be a witness for His glory.

I also hope to share contributions from those who have followed me to Tell Your Story. So many of you have been a witness for His glory by the posts you’ve shared and have inspired me by what you are doing to tell your story, too.

The rest of what I might share will have to be a surprise to you. It will be to me, too, but as sure as the sun rises and sets each day, God is always up to something! Pray that I have eyes to see who He is in the everyday every day. Whatever you see or read here, I pray will inspire you to be a witness for His glory. Tell your story.

I just had a date…

with tahini! HA!

(It was delicious!)

Indian Paint Brushes coloring my world…

Up close and personal

I didn’t know that daffodils could smell so fragrant and sweet until I sat down and got ‘up close and personal’ with them yesterday…there’s a lesson here.

Success!

Turner’s Legacy

Turner:Dog.jpg

Turner…

My family and I raised several dogs for the Guiding Eyes for The Blind organization. He was our 4th to grace our lives. And grace it, he truly did. He was placed in our care as a 10 week old puppy and after a year of obedience lessons with us, was on his way back to the organization’s center in Yorktown Heights, N.Y.. This photo was taken just before he was returned to the hands of our very capable district coordinator for the long trip to the training center, where he would undergo rigorous testing to see if he was guide-dog potential.

I learned many lessons in raising the puppies that were entrusted to us. Though we received a puppy of the Labrador Retriever breed, the personality of each dog, always very easy going and entertaining, was endearing to us by their quirky subtle differences in personality. As children from the same parents differ in personality, so did each puppy, and, oh, the stories I could tell about each one. I also learned many things about myself, some good, some not so good. Once believing that I was a really good rule-follower, try as I might, I could not overcome the challenge of the rule that the puppy was not allowed on furniture (or cozy laps) and, there’s no doubt about it, the many photographic evidences of those infractions would, yes, prove me guilty.

There were other rules, too…though it was highly frowned upon by the powers-that-be in the Guiding Eyes organization for a puppy to, at any time, be off-lead, on the morning of each dog’s ‘surrender’, it was my practice with each dog to let them off lead for one ‘freedom run’ at my in-laws home where a field, a running stream, and an abundance of sticks would, for a few minutes, ease my heart and maybe make a small dent in the boundless energy a labrador retriever has for any adventure…and for Turner, this photo marks that day.

From the very moment you receive a puppy from Guiding Eyes to raise, you know, without a doubt that this puppy does not belong to you. You also know that this puppy has been carefully gleaned from several litters and chosen because of certain strengths that it has shown, and organizational preferences found in the puppy that shows it to be a strong candidate for the purpose for which its future potentially holds…but just try to tell that to your heart when it’s time to say good-bye.

I look back on this 24 year old photo and I feel the emotion of the moment like it happened this morning – Turner, enthralled with his freedom and me trying to keep a stiff upper lip while trying to hold back a flood of tears. I still feel the conflict of sadness in having to say good-bye and the sweet joy of watching him, completely and utterly abandoned to the moment of a sunny day, the chase of a stick and just being a dog. But, it’s more than the photo and more than the memory, although certainly both have some merit. Writing a blog about either the memory or the photo would not seem worth the time and energy. But the lesson Turner taught me on that fall day in 1994 was ruminating within me and it needed a ‘freedom run’…

It wasn’t until a friend announced that she would soon be returning to her homeland of Scotland, when this old photo popped up in my remembrances and brought a flow of tears with it…I shared the remembrance with her, hoping, PRAYING, that she would not be offended that my memory of saying good-bye to a dog was triggering or contributing to the sadness of saying good-bye to her. She assured me, most lovingly, that she was not. But people and new opportunities approach us every day. True enough, some pass us by, but some, assigned their God-ordained journey, for a season are brought to a path that converges with ours and we walk together. How sweet it is that God allows this, but how easily our hearts forget that they are not on our path, but His. Then that day comes when it’s time to surrender….to surrender to the reality that though they’re still walking with us, God is calling them away to further His purposes for their futures and His glory. All these things you know…you’ve ALWAYS known, but suddenly what your head has always known, your heart has the daunting task of processing and accepting.

What I believe God has taught me is that I can react to this dilemma in two ways – I can allow my heart to grow cold and harden for the pain I feel in surrendering, and as a result, leave me cut off from any other opportunities to embrace those whose paths cross or converge with mine. Or, I can, with gratitude, (and maybe some leaky eyes) treasure the nuances of their personalities, the generosity of God’s blessings experienced in the time spent with them, the lessons they have taught me, and share in the joy of their God-ordained future – their heart open and ready for the next step in fulfilling God’s purpose for them and my heart open and ready for what He has for me.

And just as there would be other dogs to follow Turner, (with more lessons, too) I know there will be more people like my Scottish friend and more opportunities still to approach me in the days to come on my God-ordained journey while on this earth. God is always graceful and faithful that way. Am I ready? I getting there. It’s probable that you didn’t need a labrador retriever such as Turner to teach you these lessons of the heart, but I know I did. God works in mysterious ways, doesn’t He?